Two Weeks

Lydia is two weeks old today. I took her over to Valerie’s this morning for a check up. And she looks great! Aside from her weight… I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since we’ve been struggling with feedings and that means that of course there were going to be issues with weight gain.

This past week I would try nursing Lydia when I wasn’t very sore but that would end up just breaking open that scab, which meant that it needed to start healing all over again. So I decided that I had better just play it safe and not try to nurse on it until it has healed completely. So I have just been expressing my milk and giving it to Lydia in a bottle. 🙁

She weighed in this morning at 6 pounds even. That means she lost at least 1 pound and 4 ounces over the past 2 weeks. That’s a LOT! Valerie told me to start adding formula to my breast milk to help get her some more calories. And she want’s me to increase the fat in my diet so that my milk will have a higher fat content. So we’ll try that out and weigh her again next week.

Mother’s Day

Today has been a really lousy day for me. Kyle took the kids yesterday, to Laurel’s house for Lars’ birthday party. He left me home with Lydia so that I could maybe get some rest since, overdoing it this week I wasn’t feeling very well. I expected him to be home with the kids maybe around dinner time. However that’s not what happened. I got a text on my phone from Laurel at 8:30 saying that the kids have been fed, but Kyle is not feeling well and she was letting him nap. Then about 11pm she called to tell me that Kyle just looks miserable and she’s not letting them come home. She said that she will put the kids to bed and make sure that none of them escape, and they would take them to church with them and that way Kyle could get some rest, and I could just take care of Lydia and get some rest.

So I spent the weekend totally and completely alone. Saturday night I had a horrible fever, and was just dripping with sweat I HAD  to take a shower to rinse off, but that just made me feel like I was freezing. Every time Lydia woke up to eat I just laid in bed not wanting to move. Then when I finally made myself get up to go take care of her my legs just felt like they didn’t want to hold me up. When I got word that Kyle wasn’t coming home I had to go let Chewy out in the backyard so the poor dog could pee, and I had to let Jango in for the night, and since I was up and in the kitchen I decided to get the tylenol and take it to my room with me.

Sunday was the same. I spent most of the day in bed sleeping, until Lydia cried to let me know she was hungry. I was consistently taking tylenol every 4 hours to keep the fever down and I don’t think I actually got up just for the sake of getting up until 4 in the afternoon. After church my visiting teachers stopped by to drop off the Mother’s day treat that our ward passed out, and when they found out that I was sick and my family wasn’t home they offered to bring me a plate of some dinner. I didn’t actually hear anything from Kyle until after 6 and he just asked how I was doing.

Kyle wasn’t feeling well either. He spent the day at Laurel’s house just sleeping, and Laurel and Roine took the kids to church with them. After church Laurel’s family were planning on going over to Karen’s house to spend some time with her since she didn’t want to spend mother’s day all alone. And when she found out that Kyle and the kids were in town she got so excited and they all went over to her house. They didn’t leave there until late, and they finally got home about 10pm. Of course by the time they got home all the kids were sleeping and Kyle just brought them in and carried them to their beds. So I didn’t even get to see most of them. Tyra was awake and came in to say goodnight. Kyle brought me a pile of cards that they had made for me while at cousins house, and that was it for mother’s day this year. I was just so sad to be left alone and mostly ignored all weekend. 🙁

Tyra’s 7th birthday

Yesterday was Tyra’s birthday! But she ended up spending the afternoon being naughty, and I wasn’t planning on doing cake a presents yesterday because she was supposed to have Girl Scouts. Girl Scouts ended up being cancelled but by then it was too late to make a cake. So this afternoon I got up and cleaned some of the kitchen and made a cake. I really feel like I over did it though and my body is now saying ‘what were you thinking!’

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We didn’t do anything fancy this year, I just made a chocolate praline cake and she got a present from Grandpa Tom and Grandma Kathy, which she loved. And on Friday’s we’ve been letting the kids stay up late to watch a movie of MY choice. Debby and Jeff decided to come out this evening as well so they got to see Lydia, join us for the birthday celebrations and they spent the evening watching the Neverending Story with us. Happy Birthday Tyra!

Struggles with Breastfeeding

Valerie was here on Friday to further check Lydia out, and to measure her length, and get her foot prints, and cut the cord clamp off, and to give me instructions to follow for the first few days. She also brought a big pot of chicken soup. 🙂 Then she said she would be back on Sunday to check up on us and pick up her pot. Sunday came and went and she came by on Monday saying that she ended up delivering another baby on Sunday. Monday I mentioned how I have tried various holds but I am really having difficulty getting Lydia to latch on to the left side, and that means that I’m favoring the right side which in turn is making that side really really sore. She encouraged me to just keep trying. But by Tuesday it had gotten so bad that every time she cried because she was hungry I end up just holding her, crying because I want so badly to feed her, but I dreaded actually putting my breast to her face and I felt like I just can’t do it. After getting the kids to bed I decided to call Valerie and ask for some help. She came over and brought me some ‘comfrey compresses’ to keep in my bra to help my breasts heal. And she watched me latch Lydia on and she said that we’re doing that right. So maybe the pain is because Lydia’s mouth is just so small and hopefully as her mouth gets bigger I won’t be in so much pain. Last night though was the worst! I latched her on and nearly had a screaming fit because it hurt so bad. Kyle had never seen me act like that before, so he asked if she was just biting me. Through tears, I told him that she wasn’t biting just latching on. When I was done nursing her I passed her off to him so I could go take care of myself and that’s when she started spitting up blood. So after checking out my nipple I could tell that I had been bleeding while she was nursing and that she was spitting up MY blood. Since I knew it was my blood I didn’t freak out too much. But when she started coughing up blood clots I decided to give Valerie another call. And we decided that I just needed to give my breast a bit of a break and express the milk for Lydia.

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Lydia is one week old now, and it’s been a really hard week for me. Not just physically hard, but emotionally hard as well. I know that being sore in the beginning is very normal. But I don’t think that being so sore that there is a horrible pain shooting throughout my whole body when she latches on is normal at all.  It just breaks my heart. I want to nurse her. I have nursed my last 5 babies (I did have struggles with Dinah and Chloe but the first 3 were breastfed exclusively) and I know how enjoyable it is to sit and nurse them. Not to mention the fact that breastfeeding is FREE and formula costs a fortune! And breastfeeding is ready all the time and there are no dishes involved, whereas bottle feeding you have to go prepare the formula before you can feed the baby and then you have to wash the bottles. Breastfeeding, means that I can’t be away from my baby for long periods of time, but I hardly ever go anywhere without my baby anyways, so breastfeeding has always just been easier for me.

Dinah was my first baby that I had serious breastfeeding struggles with, but they didn’t start until she was between 2 and 4 months old. I just felt like my breasts weren’t filling with milk like I remember them doing with my other 3. I tried not to worry about it, since I knew that stressing out could slow down milk production. But when I took her in for her 4 month well baby check up and she weighed less than she did at her 2 month check up I KNEW something was wrong with my milk supply. The pediatrician told me she was “starving to death” and that we needed to switch to formula, NOW.

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Like how Dinah is sucking on her whole hand? Ya, that stopped after we started supplementing with formula. That’s basically what she did when she was hungry. 🙁

When I was pregnant with Chloe I experienced some trouble with my left breast and ended up seeing a breast specialist and having ultrasounds and all that fun stuff. We found that I have a cyst in my left breast right behind the nipple. Looking back I find that interesting because I’ve always had trouble getting my babies to take that side. I just thought it was because it was shaped differently than the right side. Now I know that it’s shaped differently because there’s a cyst there! So when Chloe was born I knew there would be difficulties on that side. Then she ended up being in the hospital for the first week and I was going to the hospital every 6 hours to nurse her for every other feeding. The hospital took care of the feedings when I was home, and I pumped whatever milk I could so they could use that before giving her any formula

So for now I will just express and wait for this scab to heal. I just hope that my milk doesn’t dry up in the meantime.